Give women the benefit of the doubt

 I never thought I'd be coming to Taylor Swift's defence about something, I have never been a fan of her music or her jet-setting tendencies but there has been a moment that has been the hallmark of something I've been trying to say but haven't until now.

Historically, women have always had the short end of the stick a lot of the time. It's not a crazy thing to say, but if you look at pretty much any career field or historical event, women do not get treated with much respect. Specifically, there is one privilege that men get that women just get denied over and over again that I never hear people talk about, and it is the benefit of the doubt. This is something I feel we're losing as a society, overall across the board, but specifically with women. When I say 'benefit of the doubt' what I mean is say, I am going for a walk at night and I walk past a garbage bag that looks slightly human-shaped, and I'm the only one that walks past it that night. There is a security camera that catches it and I'm the only one that walks past, so when they check the footage, they think that I killed the person because there's a body in the bag. I'm not the killer, but if I'm not given the benefit of the doubt, then it looks like I am. This comparison is dramatic compared to the situation but basically, it means just presuming that someone believes or did a certain thing based on a snippet or brief glimpse of them doesn't necessarily mean they did that thing or believe in something. 

So, Taylor Swift went to a football game and sat in her box where celebrities and important people sit. She was in the box and Britney Mahomes, an American soccer player, who recently endorsed Trump's presidency, was pictured hugging Taylor. People got incredibly mad, in a way I haven't seen before, with people saying that this is what will 'bring Taylor's empire down' and that she's 'really done it now' and called her a Trump supporter. I saw Instagram infographics, there is one creator who makes infographics any time something happens, just losing his mind over it. The infographic was calling Taylor Swift a disgusting person and people were freaking out because they were saying she's a Trump supporter and is disgusting for hanging out with supporters. So let me bring you back down to earth for a second, Taylor Swift probably has thousands of acquaintances in her life, the population of the United States is half Trump supporters and half Republicans. Out of those Trump supporters, there's going to be some Swifties. Out of all of her acquaintances, there are going to be some, regardless of even if 99% of her friends and acquaintances are people who support Kamala Harris or just don't support Trump, that do. I think that's natural if you live in America and you know more than 10 people who aren't online, you probably have an uncle or a friend from high school who supports Trump. You don't have to be friends with them, but it is so unrealistic to expect Taylor Swift to have a mystical trump supporter repellant on her at all times that makes them go away. It's one thing to expect her to immediately memorise everyone's political leanings, and give her the benefit of the doubt. This could be someone she's known for a long time and she just wants to say hi, this could be that she doesn't know that this woman endorsed Trump in any capacity. 

Literally, 2 nights ago, she endorsed Kamala Harris. Now, I will say I understand the implication after she went so hard for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election. So she has a history of endorsing Democratic political candidates, but to just assume that she is all of a sudden a Republican just because she hugged a Trump Supporter is bonkers. Just touch the grass.

A lot of people are coming to her defence saying how two people despite political differences can still be friends. Then the infographic I mentioned says that's not possible. Well, here's the thing, it may be a little controversial but you can still be friends with people that you disagree with and I think you should if you're comfortable with it. You should still be friends with people you disagree with because you can offer them different perspectives on things. I have friends with completely different political views to my own and have had horrible beliefs on things and I have been able to show them a different perspective that has changed their mind.

To look at half of the population of the US and write the millions of people off as evil demons because they have, albeit, horrible and disgusting, evil beliefs. But to write them off the way you would write off a car, to never deal with them again is crazy to me. I understand it Is not for everyone, not everyone wants to get into political debates especially if it's something about your identity, like a racist then I'm not going near those people. But you can work with people to make their beliefs not as horrible, and that's something I enjoy a bit, it makes me happy to change people's toxic beliefs. I'm not saying that's what Taylor Swift was doing, I doubt she hugged Britney Mahomes and tried to convert her into different beliefs. 


So that was one example of giving women the benefit of the doubt, my next example is Chappell Roan at the VMAS last night. Chappell Roan has set her boundaries as a normal human in her position would do and people are losing their minds over it. Last night at the VMAs she was doing the red carpet and there was a photographer. First I need to mention, there was a TikTok of her pointing to a photographer, telling them to 'shut the f** up', right off the bat people were like 'Here she goes again', not even questioning what happened or why she was saying that. With people just saying she's got an attitude or she's ungrateful, once again no benefit of the doubt was given. People didn't even care and wanted to think about what happened, they just saw her screaming. A bunch of other perspectives came out and another video came out and the photographer apparently yelled first at her which prompted her to yell his words back to him. He was also apparently being rude to other photographers. So it was warranted.

But if you're one of those people who are like 'Why are you saying it's just women who get that', look at what male artists can get away with! Beloved male artists can go on Joe Rogan TWICE and not get a single tweet about it. (not saying Joe Rogan is the be-all and end-all of being a trump support, he's not even a supporter but you get me, right? maybe you don't) But imagine if instead of Post Malone going on the Joe Rogan podcast twice, it was someone like Chappell Roan. People would tear her to shreds, but you don't see that with male celebrities. They have a sort of armour, they have so much more leniency and can get away with so much more, hopefully, you've already realised this.

I want to talk about the psychology of why people hate giving the benefit of the doubt these days, why I think we see less and less of it and why I think it's important. If you think about it, it's so much easier to, if there's a potentially complex situation that there are not all of the answers to and you don't know people's intentions yet, just create something and then that's the running truth in your mind. It's easier in your brain to think that because Taylor Swift hugged a Trump supporter, that means she is also one. Rather than thinking maybe Taylor has a lot of friends, a few of whom might be a Trump supporter, and maybe she's not really friends with her, just saying hi. It takes more gears turning and I realise that a lot of people who are chronically online don't have a lot of those gears, they're putting WD-40 on them and it's not budging.

There's a difference between being completely ignorant and giving the benefit of the doubt. It's not like you should always turn a blind eye, for example, if Taylor Swift all of a sudden started only hanging out with Trump supporters, that would be concerning and we'd pull back a bit on the benefit of the doubt. I think it's rational and human to give people the benefit of the doubt and if they start abusing it then you stop. But to not give it at all, is a very nasty thing to do because then you're subjecting people to those facts you've created in your mind. To think of someone based, not on fact but on the facts you've created in your mind that's not real, is evil. 

So in general, as a rule of thumb, try not to assume things about people. There's a saying I've heard, that assuming means making an 'ass of u and me'. It's true, you embarrass yourself when you assume. In life, don't assume things - it's easier, but don't because you can't jump to conclusions if you don't have facts and you can't create them in your head.